This is Part 2 of the “Weight of Words” series. Read Part 1: Why I’m Writing This Series
Recently, I was in a professional setting when I heard body shaming language that stopped me cold – words whispered as if they were shameful.
“Extra large.”
Not loudly. Not meanly. Just… quietly. As if the size itself was something to hide. As if saying it at full volume might somehow conjure something inappropriate into the room.
Watching this person’s voice drop, I observed them lean in slightly, treating a clothing size like scandalous information that needed delicate handling.
A realization hit me: We’ve made certain words about bodies into dirty words.
The Pattern We Don’t Question
Think about it. When was the last time you heard someone whisper “small” or “petite”? When did you ever hear someone lower their voice to say “she’s so thin”? Those words flow freely. They don’t get treated like secrets.
But “extra large”? “Plus size”? Even just “big”? Those get the whisper treatment. The sideways glance. The dropped voice. A quick look around to make sure no one’s listening.
Here’s what that whisper communicates:
This size is something to be ashamed of. We all agree this is unfortunate, don’t we? I’m being discreet because I’m talking about something embarrassing. This person’s body is a problem we need to speak about carefully.
Kindness isn’t what drives the whisper. It’s not protecting anyone. Instead, it reinforces the idea that certain bodies are acceptable topics of public conversation, while certain bodies are shameful secrets.
Whispers Travel Further Than We Think
Here’s the thing about whispers: they’re rarely as quiet as we imagine.
Countless coaching clients have shared with me exactly what was whispered about them – sometimes decades ago. Words that were supposed to be “just between us” somehow always, always reached their ears. Worse yet, sometimes the words never reached them directly but shaped how people treated them anyway.
That hushed conversation about someone’s size? It changes everything. How you interact with them shifts. Whether you include them becomes questionable. Assumptions form about their capability, confidence, health, or worthiness of equal treatment.
Everyone in the Room Is Learning
The person being discussed isn’t the only one who hears it.
Everyone else in that room absorbs the message too. What size is considered whisper-worthy in this space becomes clear. Which bodies are acceptable and which bodies are problems to be discussed in hushed tones – the lesson lands on everyone present.
Wearing an extra large yourself and hearing someone whisper those words about someone else? You know exactly where you stand. Your body is being discussed the same way when you leave the room. The shameful category includes you.
Research on weight stigma and discrimination demonstrates that this kind of body shaming language creates real psychological harm, affecting mental health, self-esteem, and even physical health outcomes.
Imagine a Different Approach
Let me ask you something: What would happen if we treated all body descriptors the same way?
Picture saying “she’s an extra large” with the same neutral tone used for “she has brown hair” or “she’s about 5’6″”. What if size was just… information? Not a moral judgment. Not a whispered secret. Not commentary on someone’s worth, discipline, or acceptability.
Simply a fact about what size clothing fits their body.
This Week’s Challenge: Notice Your Whispers
Here’s my challenge for you: Notice your whispers this week.
Pay attention when you drop your voice to talk about someone’s body. Observe when you treat certain descriptions like they need discretion. Consider what you’re communicating – not just about the person you’re discussing, but about whose bodies are acceptable and whose are shameful.
Every whisper is a message. More people are receiving that message than you think.
Bodies aren’t secrets. They’re not scandals. Hushed tones and careful discretion shouldn’t be required for discussing them.
They’re just bodies. All worthy of the same respect, the same volume, the same dignity.
The Weight Our Words Carry
What if we saved our whispers for actual secrets, and spoke about all bodies with the same matter-of-fact respect?
This isn’t just about being politically correct. Recognizing the weight our words carry matters – especially the ones we think are quiet enough not to matter.
They matter. They always matter.
People in the room – all of them – are listening.
You are valuable beyond measure – no whisper can change that.
CONTINUE THE SERIES:
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