I work with people every day who are healing from trauma they didn’t even know they were carrying. Sometimes that trauma comes from a single devastating event. But more often? It comes from a thousand small cuts – comments, glances, whispers – that told them they weren’t acceptable as they are.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about bodies. Specifically, about the casual cruelty we’ve normalized around weight and size in America – the kind of body shame that becomes trauma we don’t even recognize.
I’ve heard “extra large” whispered like a curse word, as if describing someone’s clothing size requires the same hushed tone we’d use for actual profanity. I’ve watched people celebrate weight loss without knowing the person they’re praising is struggling with disordered eating. I’ve seen someone’s eyes light up because they “only need a small instead of a medium” – as if moving down a size makes them more valuable as a human being.
Every Body Tells a Story We Haven’t Been Invited to Read
Here’s what I know as a trauma-informed coach: Every body tells a story we haven’t been invited to read.
That person who gained weight? Maybe they’re on medication that saved their life. Maybe they finally stopped starving themselves. Maybe they’re caring for a dying parent and survival looks like drive-through dinners right now. Maybe they’re just… living in a body that’s shaped like that.
That person who lost weight? Maybe they’re thriving. Or maybe they’re in crisis. Maybe they’re sick. Maybe they’re so anxious they can’t eat. Maybe the compliments you’re giving them are making them feel more trapped in destructive patterns.
We don’t know. And here’s the thing: we don’t need to know.
What we do need to do is stop treating body size as a moral issue, a conversation starter, or a measure of someone’s discipline or worth.
Why We Need to Talk About Body Shame
Over the next several posts, I’m going to explore different angles of this issue – not because I have all the answers, but because I think we need to have better conversations. Conversations that don’t leave people feeling less-than. Conversations that don’t reinforce trauma. Conversations that remember there’s a whole human being attached to every body we feel so comfortable commenting on.
Research shows that weight stigma creates significant psychological harm, affecting mental health, self-esteem, and even physical health outcomes. The casual comments we make aren’t harmless – they’re contributing to a culture of body shame that impacts millions of people every single day.
Because here’s my core belief, the one that guides everything I do in my coaching practice.
You are valuable beyond measure. Not at a certain size. Not after you lose or gain weight. Not when you fit into what someone else thinks you should look like.
Right now. As you are. Valuable beyond measure.
Who This Series Is For
If you’ve ever felt the sting of a comment about your body – whether you were told you’re too much or not enough – this series is for you. If you’ve ever made those comments without realizing the impact, this series is for you too.
Let’s talk about ending body shame, about the weight of words, and why it’s time we all carried them more carefully
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